I just saw a hot homeless man
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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