I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think my moral compass just broke
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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