NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
