Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
