I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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