so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
