my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
