12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
