maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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