youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
