I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
