We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
