So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
