is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found puke in my bra..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
