Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
