i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
40s are totally the cure
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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