Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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