i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
