sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
