she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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