I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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