Porn is love you can see.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
