Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
