Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
