I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
