a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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