So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
