yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
