I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
