I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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