I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
