haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
