I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His nipple licking is glorious
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