he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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