He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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