i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
