I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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