I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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