I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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