I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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