after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
