Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize