worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I sprained my soul last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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