The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
