i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
