Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize