u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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