He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
