Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Do vagina's smell?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
