I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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