Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize