last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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