my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
