She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
