I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
