Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
