pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
