how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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