Having a random hookup so left but love u
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
