i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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