my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
