How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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