if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
