Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
