Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
