My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
