well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
