Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
