Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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