just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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