once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
