Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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