i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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