I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
