she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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