how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
