Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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