I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize