Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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