Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
