ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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