then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
