I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
