My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
