Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize