literally had 100 drinks last night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
