Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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