i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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