remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
