dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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