the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
