I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
